Sometimes things suck. So I didn't get into MSU, and half of me doesn't care, while the other half desperately wants to know what I'm planning on doing with the rest of my life.
It's not that I don't have anything to do, it's just that I don't have anything productive that I -want- to do.
Going to college was a way for me to get back on track, and not waste my days away on facebook. To get out there and have new experiences, expand my knowledge, meet interesting people. A way to remind myself to move and -do- things!
I wish there was a magic motivation pill! Wouldn't that be great? Then I would clean my house, cook and do the dishes, laundry, gardening...I'd love to have a vegetable garden!
I have no idea why I don't do things. Even when I know that I would be happier if I got something (anything) done, I still don't do it. Am I just a glutton for punishment? A spoiled brat? You'd think I'd at least do it for my family, but I just don't...
My Therapist said there's nothing else she can do to help motivate me. At some point you just have to -do it-. That was so depressing ;)
I don't even want to finish my summer class now. What's the point? Never mind college, I don't think it's meant to be. What am I really going to do with a degree in art history anyway? I don't want to be a teacher, I'm not an artist, I can't imagine writing books, and there are no schools for restoration/conservation around here. My husband won't let us move out of state unless our families come with us...so there's really no point.
I guess I'll just have to find more hobbies. Not that we have the money to spend on hobbies. Maybe I'll find another job. I work 3 hours a day at the kids' school, but I could find something for the afternoon I suppose...
*sniffle*
Sorry, I wonder how many times I've used the word "don't" so far...6, not counting that one in quotes. I wish I felt more positive, but it's just not there right now.
I always thought I would do something to help the world. Yes, I KNOW. I have 3 beautiful kids, who I get to raise. I'm sorry all you wonder-mothers out there. It just doesn't feel like enough. My kids are great, and I hope they do great things; but what kind of example do I set, sitting around on the laptop all day long, playing games and chatting with friends? -My- mother was always busy...so maybe it'll work out! My mom was active, I'm not....so maybe it'll rebound, and the kids will be active.
Ugh, anyway. I shouldn't be allowed near a keyboard when I'm depressed. Night/Morning.
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